Today was graduation. Ironically, the one day where I should be wailing insanely is the one day where I didn’t. I felt really proud of my senior friends who graduated, because they have worked so hard to reach this moment. Actually, we all have. We have been socialized and bred to work for the college degree….and I guess once you have it, you have been deemed as a “successful” person in life.
When I asked a lot of my senior friends if they were happy to leave, many of them said no. No because they had to get jobs. No because they had to live in the real world (whatever that means) and no because they were leaving Oxy. I think when you make somewhere your home for four years, especially in college, things change.
I feel like I’ve changed a lot since I’ve gotten to Occidental. Personally, I think its for the better. I feel awkward when other people from home note it, because I feel like I am not the same person that they need me to be. I really like the person who I have become at Oxy and I really like the people that surround me and support me. I feel sad because I met a wonderful man named Austin, and we’re like dating but not dating if that makes sense. I say we’re casually dating because I lived with him for a week or so and he’s not like a random hookup. We both like each other a lot, probably even enough to date each other, but he is going to Australia in the middle of July. So its been casual and passionate. I want to have sex with Austin for the first time, but I’m not really sure how to make that happen. He said under his breath that he wish he hadn’t waited so long, but who knows what that means. Maybe tomorrow we will have sex, I don’t know. He’s here for the summer. I want to have sex with him now though because I feel so close to him. He’s really been a gem to hold….even for a little bit.
So I decided to make this blog a private one, because I feel like I need to release my thoughts in a quiet place. I will try everyday to write my thoughts here, they are my Tyler Tales.